BEFORE Acquiring a Puppy...

  • Pour some cold cider at irregular intervals on the floors of your house and then walk barefoot around in the dark.
  • Wear socks where the toe ends are frazzled with a pair of blunt scissors.
  • Go daily, right after waking up, outside in the rain and say loudly: "Now be a good boy/girl and hurry up... GOOD boy/girl!!!"
  • Rub all your good clothes in dog hair. Dark clothing requires white hair, light clothing requires dark hair.
  • Toss also a few hairs in your early morning coffee.
  • Play catch with a wet tennis ball.
  • Hurry barefoot through the snow to shut the gate.
  • Overturn the basket with the freshly washed laundry and spread the contents on the floor.
  • In the evening, leave your underwear on the floor of the living room because the puppy will carry it there anyway (...especially when you are expecting guests!)
  • Shortly before your favourite TV programme comes to an end, jump to your feet, run to the door and shout: "NO, do that outside!" Miss the end of the programme.
  • Drop chocolate pudding on the floor of the house and restrain from wiping it up before the evening.
  • Treat the legs of the furniture with a screw driver - they will be chewed on anyway.
  • Pick up your dog's droppings and don't mind any joggers having a short rest nearby.
  • Pull a towel from the washing line so that the drying rack collapses.
  • Next drag the towel over a muddy meadow. It will become your first dog towel!
  • See to it that there is enough humidity and mud in the car so that it is impossible to see through the rear window.
  • Tear up the entire content of your wastepaper bin into small scraps. Wet them and stick them to the tiles of your living room floor.
  • Take a warm, fluffy cover from the dryer and wrap it around yourself. This will give you the warm feeling when the puppy finally falls asleep on your lap!
Found on Birgit Zwilling's Facebook page and translated into English by ANo