Interview with one of Her Majesty's Corgis

Sir, what plans do you have during the Advent season?

I'm eagerly waiting for Christmas. I wonder what Queen Mummy has planned for us .... Every year we receive a Christmas stocking full of presents.

You come from an old dynasty. Doesn't this heritage weigh heavily on your shoulders?

No, it makes me very proud. We have been connected with the Windsors for 70 years, ever since King George VI, the former Duke of York, in 1933 bought Dookie, a distant relative of mine. As for me, I am a direct descendant from Susan, the bitch princess Elizabeth was gifted on her 18th birthday.

What duties did your mother have at the side of the Queen?

She was her lady companion and she took a vow to never let her alone. Even on the honeymoon trip with her husband the Duke of Edinburgh, she didn't have the heart to leave the princess alone. She had cleverly hidden among the luggage and the Duke had to interrupt the trip to return to Buckingham Palace to get the royal leash which had been forgotten in the excitement. Today Susan rests in Sandringham, together with Sugar and Heather. If you visit the park, you can pause at their graves.

Don't you sometimes have enough of all these official commitments?

Between you and me, it's a dog's life. But you have to be polite to the guests, including the badly brought up ones. I remember a certain bishop .... he pinched the biscuits the butler serves us after lunch .... and consumed them quite blatantly!! I was furious, especially because our nutrition physiologist prescribes a dreary diet of wheat, barley, protein and vitamins .... and when they also pinch our biscuits, where does that lead to?

Yet life in a palace must still be pleasant?

Yes, but you don't have any privacy. For instance, we are not allowed on sofas and easy chairs, except of course for official photo shootings. However, Mummy Queen sometimes let us sleep on her bed. One day, a visitor detected dog hairs on her quilt and next morning you could read about it in the press.

It seems that Her Majesty is very fond of you?

You cannot imagine how she spoils us. She has bought rubber booties so we don't get our paws chafed on the gravel around Buckingham Palace. If time permits she personally prepares our dinner with a silver spoon. She also had our wicker baskets made to measure with a specially increased skirting to protect us from draughts. According to our qualified vet we are of delicate health.

Are people at times not a little envious of your privileges?

Oh my, if only you knew .... We had to dismiss a servant without notice. He tried to poison us by mixing gin and whiskey in our drinking water. And for many years we were at open war with the corgis of the Queen Mother. These infamous and disloyal mongrels could not accept that they were dethroned .... During a battle her Majesty, in an attempt to separate us, was badly bitten. She needed three stiches. Ranger, the leader, even killed our family chief, Chipper. It was awful. I wanted to take vengeance in a duel, but Prince Edward prevented it by throwing both of us into the lake!

They said that you had to go into therapy to recover from this trauma...

You are wrong. The Queen Mother was upset because we had a habit of biting the footmen in the calves .... What do you want, it's a weakness of mine! So mummy called a psychologist. You refer to it as a therapy, when in fact he imposed ultra sound collars on us!!! You cannot wiggle with an ear without the whistling sound shredding our eardrums.... Gosh, we have been bored stiff since then!

Source: French magazine "Point de vue".